


Healing

by Jutschina



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda to 13x06, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-26
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2019-02-07 04:53:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12833706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jutschina/pseuds/Jutschina
Summary: After Cas has returned, Dean doesn't find rest.Small coda to episode 13x06 "Tombstone", set at the bunker after the brothers' reunion with Cas.





	Healing

That first night that Cas was back, Dean barely could sleep.

They had decided on leaving for Dodge City in the morning, spending this night at the bunker -- _Cas_ should spend his first night back at the bunker. It wasn't that Dean had put it forward like this; once again, Sam had been the more reasonable, arguing that they should rest the night before leaving for yet another case. But the thought had sprung to Dean's mind anyway - Cas is back, and he deserves this one night back _home_.

Now, Dean lay on his bed, staring into the darkness, and he couldn't find rest. Yes, one reason was that hey! they were going to _fucking Dodge City_! Dean's excitement matched that of a kid the night before its birthday or before going to a fun park. But the sheer _ability_ to feel this way - to feel anything again but the pain he loved to ignore - that wouldn't have been possible just a day before.

Cas was back. Cas, _his_ Cas, was back, because of some damn miracle. The moment Dean had recognized his voice on the phone, the moment he'd seen him standing there... how could he ever describe what he'd felt? There had been so _ridiculously_ many times that one of them, Dean, Sam or Cas, had returned from the dead, and these moments had always been... twisted. You had this priority, hidden maybe but definitely there, to check if the other one was for real. No demon, no ghost, no shifter, the real deal back from the dead. But with Cas tonight... Dean hadn't _buried_ the angel, he'd _burned_ his body. Hunter's funeral, the safe card, what gets burned, stays dead. So how was this, how was tonight possible? And yet, as soon as he'd seen Castiel standing at the phone booth, he didn't even care ---- no, that's not right. He did care but... He'd asked Cas whether it was really him, and when the angel had answered yes, Dean had believed him, his inner voice screaming that it was the truth. He knew that Sam had been more suspicious, more rational and observing - and that was good, that was alright because Dean couldn't be, not there and not then.

That hug. Cas' arms around him, after what had felt like ages. Those seconds of holding each other had taken so much of the pain away. Remembering it now, as Dean lay on his bed, it almost made him laugh. Once again, he realized how fucking _dependent_ he was on Cas - just as he was on Sam: Whenever he lost his brother, his world broke and turned into chaos and turmoil.

Yet, it was somehow different with the angel. 'Cause when he'd lost Cas - when he had burned his body and had said his final goodbyes - his world had gone dark and grey, as if someone had switched out the lights. Dean closed his eyes, pressed them shut and forced himself to think of something else. No, no no. Cas was back, Cas. Was. Back. No reason to think about a world without him.

 _Stupid angel_ , he whispered to himself. _That stupid, stupid angel. Gets himself into trouble and I'm-_ There was something building up in Dean, something gathering behind his eyelids and in his throat, and when he finally let out one single, helpless sob, he pressed a hand on his mouth, as if afraid that someone would hear him (afraid that he would hear himself?).

Dean violently shook his head. _Focus_ , he thought. _Focus_. It was all well now, wasn't it? Oh, maybe not _all_. People still had died, and Mom, she was....

But he had got what he'd wished for. A big win. One damn big win. Cas.

Those were the thoughts circling around in Dean's mind that night, over and over again. In the end, however, there was this one thing standing out: The process of realization when slowly, oh! so slowly, it all was settling in - a big win. Cas.

When Dean eventually fell asleep in the early morning hours, he looked more peaceful than he had in a long, long while. Yes, it was real. All too soon, his alarm clock rang and jerked him awake - but even then, there was a whisper on his lips, just before he was fully awake and put on that same old grumpy morning face. _"Cas..."_

Dean couldn't have put it into words like this but as he came into the kitchen and saw them, his _family_ \- Sam yawning and fiddling with the coffee machine; Jack at his laptop, skimming some Dodge City tourist website, excited about working a case; and _Cas_ who was leaning against the wall, talking to Sam but looking up as Dean entered - yes, finally, Dean felt _whole_ again.


End file.
